Star Trek Obsession Diagnostic

Martin Berman-Gorvine

1. During the scene where Jim Kirk as a boy almost drives a car off a cliff, what were you thinking?

A. Since when are there canyons in Iowa? And isn't this scene a ripoff of "Thelma and Louise"?
B. How would a 20th century car be working in the 23rd century and where would it get gas?
C. Captain Kirk a juvenile delinquent? J.J. Abrams should be subjected to Klingon tortures!

2. Please evaluate Chris Pine's performance as James T. Kirk.

A. He's cute.
B. William Shatner's haminess is more enjoyable.
C. Doesn't Starfleet have regulations against identity theft?

3. In the scene where the planet Vulcan is sucked into a giant black hole, what were you wondering about?

A. Cripes, is that really Winona Ryder playing Spock's mother? She looks about fifty!
B. Isn't this a ripoff of the first "Star Wars" movie?
C. Will the Vulcans be able to have their Amok Time on their new planet, or will their biology be too screwed up?

4. During the scene where Spock is kissing Uhura in an elevator, what excited you most?

A. Man, Zoe Saldana/Zachary Quinto is hot!
B. A Vulcan shouldn't be displaying passion!
C. This is a sacrilegious travesty of the Kirk-Uhura kiss in the original Star Trek episode "Plato's Stepchildren"!

5. What did you think of Eric Bana as the Romulan bad guy "Nero"?

A. A decent performance in a ridiculous role.
B. I preferred Ricardo Montalban as "Khan".
C. A disgrace to the Romulan Empire!

6. Which of the following bothered you most about the movie?

A. The giant holes in the plot.
B. Leonard Nimoy's dentures.
C. They wiped out the whole history of Starfleet, man!

Copyright © 2009, Martin Berman-Gorvine