Let’s all play… Shandeh fur de Goyim!

Martin Berman-Gorvine

Shandeh fur de goyim is a pungent old Yiddish expression describing behavior that is a disgrace to the Jewish people. Unfortunately, the past year has offered many, many chances to call this expression to mind. This quiz offers you a chance to test your Jewish shame IQ.

1. Besides the Elie Wiesel Foundation, what other Jewish charities did Bernard Madoff steal from?

A. The Jewish Federation of Greater Washington
B. The Chais Family Foundation.
C. The Robert I. Lappin Charitable Foundation.
D. All of the above.

2. Which Jewish institution of higher learning did Madoff serve as treasurer?

A. Yeshiva University
B. The Jewish Theological Seminary
C. The Weizmann Institute
D. Hebrew Union College

3. What is the original Russian first name of Avigdor Lieberman, the far-right-wing Israeli foreign minister?

A. Boris
B. Ivan
C. Yvette
D. Vladimir

4. How did Israeli Deputy Health Minister Ya’akov Litzman make headlines early in 2009?

A. By recommending that the "swine flu" be called the "Mexican flu" in Hebrew, because pigs are not kosher.
B. By advocating making Israeli Arab citizens sign a loyalty oath.
C. By restarting the practice of having Druze inspectors raid Jewish-owned shops that stay open on Shabbat.
D. By comparing women to donkeys.

5. Who is Morris Talansky?

A. The rabbi pictured on the front page of the New York Times on July 24, 2009, being led away in handcuffs in a wide-ranging FBI corruption probe.
B. The New York-based Jewish businessman who testified that he gave former Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert envelopes stuffed with hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash.
C. The former Israeli Defense Minister who had to resign in disgrace after it came out that he sold his stocks just before the disastrous Israeli invasion of Lebanon in 2006.
D. The Hasidic owner of the "Aaron’s Best" kosher meat-packing plant in Iowa who was arrested for employing illegal immigrants, issuing them fake IDs and maltreating them.

6. What did former Israeli President Moshe Katsav offer as a defense against three different women’s accusations of rape?

A. It was consensual sex, all three times.
B. The media was out to get me.
C. "They" hate me because of my Iranian Jewish heritage.
D. These charges weaken Israel at a time when Iran might drop the Bomb on us any day.

7. How did the rabbis arrested in the FBI corruption probe refer to their alleged money laundering?

A. Going to the mikveh.
B. Kashering the cash.
C. Getting ready for Yom Kippur.
D. Putting the money through the washing machine.

8. In addition to bribery, what other crime has one of the rabbis arrested in the FBI corruption probe been accused of?

A. Trying to sell human kidneys on the black market.
B. Providing fake ID to illegal aliens.
C. Trying to sell human kidneys on the black market.
D. Taking part in Madoff’s pyramid scheme.
E. All of the above.

9. How did the owner of "Aaron’s Best" kosher meat-packing plant in Iowa justify hiring illegal aliens?

A. I was only breaking secular law, not halacha (Jewish religious law).
B. A Jew has to make a living.
C. I donated part of the profits to Torah study.
D. Illegal aliens? What illegal aliens?

10. What was Ariel Sharon’s son Omri arrested for?

A. Constructing an illegal West Bank settlement.
B. Accepting bribes from an FBI informant.
C. Illegally raising campaign funds.
D. Sexually harassing female Israeli Army soldiers when he was their superior officer.

Copyright © 2009, Martin Berman-Gorvine